Escaping a Casual Sex Relationship Before You Get Hurt

Are you sexually involved with one of your friends on a casual basis, and you’re starting to worry that it’s not going to end well? Are you worried that he’s developing feelings for you, or worse, that you’re starting to fall for him when he doesn’t feel the same way? Friends with benefits situations can be risky territory, and it can lead to heartbreak and ruining a friendship that is otherwise fine.

When you find yourself in this situation, you have to evaluate your options. Is the sex really so good that it’s worth all the complications that it can cause? Are you willing to potentially lose a good friend just because you two got hot and heavy? Are you ready to get your heart broken if you have feelings for him and he doesn’t feel anything for you? You’re probably answering no to all of these questions, and that’s your first sign that you need to get out of this relationship before it goes south.

There is one advantage to being in a casual sex relationship with a friend: at least you both started out as friends! This means it should be a little easier to communicate with him and end the relationship amicably. You’re both adults, after all. Try sitting him down and explaining your concerns to him. Tell him that you don’t want to lose the friendship over a little hanky-panky. He may be resistant at first (because who doesn’t like a good roll in the hay?), but you have to be strong and hold your ground. Let him know that he means a lot more to you as a friend than as a sex partner, and that you feel it would be in both of your best interest if you just called it quits before things escalate.

If he’s not listening, explain to him that you’re looking for something more serious and that you’d rather have a real relationship with another man who may come along any day. Tell him that he’s limiting his options, as well, by spending time in your bed. It doesn’t need to turn into a big fight and feelings don’t necessarily need to get hurt if you two can both remain calm and discuss the situations like the adults that you are. The sooner you end the sexual relationship, the sooner the two of you can get back to being friends. It will take time, but it’s worth it.

Love, Sex & Relationships – Monogamy is Unnatural & Responsible Non-Monogamy Can Save a Relationship

It’s difficult for many of us to see how responsible
non-monogamy can save a relationship; fears and
misconceptions about this emotionally touchy subject
can interfere with understanding how it can be beneficial.
Although non-monogamy is not for everyone and is not
always appropriate, below is a comparison of monogamy
and responsible non-monogamy. Note: cheating, lying,
unsafe sex, and promiscuity are not part of responsible
non-monogamy. Complete and radical honesty with your
partner is, and that seems to be what’s most threatening
and challenging to many of us.

With the custom of monogamy, you own each other, sort of
like how you own property. Your partner is yours and if they
even look at someone else the wrong way anger and jealousy
are common.

With responsible non-monogamy, a couple accepts that
owning the rights to each other isn’t love, but possessiveness.
What about the possibility of one of them falling in love with
someone else and abandoning the other? This can happen in
any relationship because you don’t need to sleep with someone
to fall in love with them. Furthermore, it seems that when two
people are destined to meet and fall in love they will,
regardless of whether or not they are single or involved.

With the custom of a traditional commitment and monogamy,
falling in love with someone means that fantasies (such as
“together forever” and “you are mine for the rest of my life”
and “grow old together”) become expectations, and when
they aren’t met it results in disappointment, heartache, anger,
and even divorce.

A responsibly non-monogamous couple tends to accept their
relationship as it is rather than how they want it to be or how
it’s “supposed to be.” They realize that if their relationship
fades or their partner falls in love with someone else, that’s
the way it was likely destined to be. If your relationship ends,
wouldn’t you rather accept that there is a more appropriate
match out there instead of pretending that your existing
connection is “the one” forever?

With the custom of monogamy, when someone cheats it is
kept secret. Because monogamy and honesty are often
assumed in relationships, both the cheater and the person
being cheated on are at risk for contracting STDs. According
to statistics, over 50% of men and women in “committed”
relationships cheat on their partners. Is assumed monogamy
realistic or safe?

With responsible non-monogamy, because there are no sexual
secrets, a couple is more likely to discuss and practice safe sex.

With the custom of monogamy, based on the above statistics,
the illusion of monogamy is much more important to many
people than honesty.

Responsibly non-monogamous couples, on the other hand,
place more value on radical honesty because truthfulness
brings them closer together. In light of this, responsible
non-monogamy could potentially reduce the divorce rate
and introduce a deeper level of honesty in relationships.

With the custom of monogamy, it’s common to blame
an ex-partner and their affair for the reason why the
relationship didn’t last. It’s interesting to note that the
policy of strict monogamy is never blamed in these
situations, yet many who cheat appear better suited for
non-monogamy. Truth be told, some people (both men
and women) feel like caged animals in long-term
monogamous relationships.

With the custom of monogamy, the topic of exclusive
intimacy often is not discussed, but is usually expected.
Is this always realistic or even reasonable, especially when
you know the person has strayed in previous relationships
or sense he or she isn’t the kind of person who would be
happy being sexually exclusive with one person for the rest
of his or her life?

That brings us to related topics: Can we honestly expect
sexual passion to last decades in all relationships? Also,
what happens if one partner loses interest in sex or if one
reveals, years later, that he or she really doesn’t like sex and
wants to avoid it? Masturbation is not a good long-term
substitute for sexual intimacy.

With the custom of monogamy, you are supposed to be
attracted to your partner and only your partner. If you have
desires for or fantasies about someone else, even if you don’t
act on them, they are kept secret. This form of dishonesty can
drive a wedge between couples.

With responsible non-monogamy, the couple acknowledges
that we are all human and an attraction to someone else,
especially during a long-term monogamous relationship, is
natural.

A responsibly non-monogamous couple puts their
commitment to each other and their relationship first so
an attraction to someone else is less of a threat. It is natural
to feel insecure or jealous if your partner is attracted to
someone else, and it’s going to happen whether you’re
monogamous or not, but when a couple is open and honest
with each other about the subject it’s a lot less likely to
cause a problem.

What about children, you ask? Some responsibly non-
monogamous and progressive couples create a “commitment
contract,” where financial arrangements and planning
covering possible scenarios (together for 5 years, 10 years,
20 years, etc.) are agreed upon prior to marriage and before
children are conceived. A new concept? Hardly. Ancient
Egyptians had 5 and 10 year marriage contracts. If mutually
agreed upon, they would renew. Although it’s not easy to
address the subject like you would a business matter, it’s
much tougher to do so later in divorce court. If two people
are unwilling to confront or unable to agree on these issues
before marriage it’s a red flag for their longevity as a couple.

With the custom of monogamy, sex is love, and if your
partner has sex with someone else, they’ve betrayed you
emotionally and it must mean they don’t love you anymore.

Responsibly non-monogamous couples realize that while
love can be expressed through sex, sex in itself with a
secondary partner (if okay with all involved–including the
primary partner) does not have to diminish the love already
established with the primary partner, nor does it put the
primary relationship at risk, if the primary connection is
solid. Something real cannot be threatened. This idea is
similar to having one best friend and many good friends;
you don’t expect your best friend to fulfill everything for
you that many friends do.

With the custom of monogamy, often it’s “No cheating or
else!”

Responsibly non-monogamous couples realize that giving
such an ultimatum is about as effective as telling your teenager
never to drink alcohol. It’s more effective to discuss the issue
and to have a “no punishment policy” for your kids if they
call you for a ride to avoid driving drunk or to avoid riding
with someone who is drinking and driving. Similarly, such
a policy for responsible non-monogamy will encourage
honesty and can strengthen the commitment.

Lastly and most importantly, if we cheat, even if no one finds
out, negative karma is incurred and we set ourselves up for a
similar situation to “happen to” us in the future. Whatever
action we take will, in time, come back to us, so even though
radical honesty in relationships may be difficult it is often the
best policy. The eyes of truth are always watching us.

Copyright © 2007 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo

Male Herbs for Sex – Do They Work?

Have you ever tried male herbs for sex? Popular sex herbs include horny goat weed, tongkat ali, maca, ginseng, and countless more. Most likely, they didn’t do much for you. And that’s because you were probably ripped off.

These pills are generally junk because the herbal ingredients they contain are of very poor quality. There’s very little government control of the herbal industry, and the manufacturers of these products tend to be unscrupulous.

It’s too bad, because men have used herbal remedies to boost their sexual performance for many centuries. Herbal remedies played a central role in ancient medicine, but the herbs that were used were potent and untainted. Back then, people also took doses large enough to be truly effective.

Herbs really can be powerful medicine. In fact, there are literally hundreds of pharmaceutical drugs used in hospitals today that are based upon chemical compounds found in plants. More than half of all the drugs used to treat cancer are derived from plants.

Herbs can help your body produce more testosterone. They can improve blood circulation. And they can increase libido and sexual staying power. If you take a combination of these herbs, they’re sure to aid your sexual performance.

But it’s vital that you only take herbal supplements that are of very high-quality. Another thing to look out for is that the individual doses of herbs must be big enough to be effectual. So try to look for the following when buying male herbs for sex:

–You need to find a company that’s been around for a while with a respectable reputation.
–Use a product whose ingredients have gone through a thorough examination procedure.
–Re-order rate is proof of happy customers; try to find a product that has a high re-order rate.
–You want a company that follows FDA policy.

If you’re suffering from impotence or any kind of sexual dysfunction, why not at least see if a strong natural cure can help you? Because they’re natural, herbal products don’t have any negative side effects. And they can be ordered discreetly through the internet. Just remember to buy a product that uses strong, pure male herbs for sex and you should be very happy with the results.